Tag Body Spray - Battle of the Sexes

It has been four years, ten months and a handful of days since I last had a girlfriend. In those four years I have been rejected and have made a fool of myself like the sun rises.

Ok, so what’s my point? In that time, I have tried nearly every trick in the book—from the “did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” pick up line, to the classic “would you like to get lunch sometime?”

Here I am, openly admitting to the entire JMU community that I am one of the top ten all-time worst flirtatious people this university has ever had.

However in the four years, ten months and handful of days since I last had a girlfriend I can tell you one thing—one crystal-clear, definite fact that I have learned.

Covering your entire body with the “seductive” smell of All Nighter, Wildcard or First Move is one of the most dim-witted moves guys could ever pull.

Yes, I am sick and tired of smelling normal. Yes, I would like to attract beautiful girls all around from a two-mile radius. And yes, who wouldn’t want to mud wrestle with should-be Playboy models in their own backyard?

When it comes down to it, these commercials make us laugh, make us smile and some guys probably get a tingle in their body; but the truth is I’d rather smear bacon grease on my face then drench myself with Tag Body Spray.

When you drive by a dead skunk and that smell lingers in your car for a good five miles no one says, “Yes! Now I am frisky!”

When you realize you’ve left your milk open for 24 hours, or that the mystery meat in your fridge didn’t get put away properly last semester, gorgeous Jenna Jameson impersonators don’t tackle you.

No it doesn’t happen, and it doesn’t deserve to happen to any man out there who is wearing cologne that makes your eyes water from across the street.

Watch the commercials and laugh, but take my advice on this one. Guys are better off asking a girl, “Are you accepting applications for your fan club?


Alright so that was my latest article to be published in The Breeze; I really wanted to get a blog posted and here it is. Score one for the Sean Man!