Lessons From VT

This is without a doubt the most troublesome article I have ever had to write. How do I share with you a story of two people you may only know when their names are connected to the worst shooting in our country's history?

I can't do that. However, I can share with you some lessons I have been able to take from this past year in hopes that you understand another side of the story. On April 16, 2007, I lost two friends, Reema Samaha and Erin Peterson. They were my age and my classmates. They were the ones I laughed with and laughed at. The girls I danced with, went on adventures with and made music videos with; but for reasons I'll never fully grasp their lives ended when mine got to go on.

Loss hurts. Believe me, it is a pain indescribable through words and once you've lost a loved one it's impossible to go back to the way things used to be. 

As life moves on, pain will lessen, tears will dry and time will keep moving on. When you're ready to do so the best thing you can ever do for yourself and for those who have passed is to "keep on dancing!"

Dance to your beat, dance to your friend's beat, dance to that professor's beat you can't stand. Just dance my friends. Whether it's actual dancing or metaphorical, just enjoy your dance.

Think to yourself, what would you do if you had one year left to live? You wouldn't walk around dragging your feet, you would want to climb mountains, fly helicopters, and eat the world's largest bowl of ice cream! So why wait until it's too late?

Go out there and try things you've never done before. Take a road trip to Miami, parasail with your grandma or finally go out and accomplish that one big thing you've had the urge to do for as long as you can remember.

Keep in mind it is not only the big spectacles but also the small things as well that can be just as important. Have a conversation with the lunch ladies, tell that special someone how you truly feel, apologize for stealing your sister's Game Boy. Have a picnic.

Say your "please's" and "thank you's," hold that door open (even if that person is an awkward distance away and you don't know to keep walking or hold it open) and be nice.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Baz Luhrman says it better than I can, "Don't worry about the future, or worry that know worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday" -- or in my case an idle Monday.

Don't let your troubles hold you down, go out there and make this world a better place.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do or how to live, I'm just telling you what I've learned. This isn't a political message or sermon, these are just my thoughts -- take them for what they are worth.

There is forever going to be an unfixable hole in my heart, not a day of my life is going to pass where I don't think of the opportunities my friends will never get, but I cannot sit around and watch those opportunities pass me by. 

 

Five Games Remaining, Pressure's On

A shocking 11-10 overtime loss to William & Mary on Friday was not how the Dukes (5-6) planned on opening their conference Play. A 13-5 route of Old Dominion on Sunday however, is more of what the Dukes expect from their squad.

JMU's defense forced Old Dominion to a dismal 10 for 19 in clears, and 20 percent shooting from the field. The Dukes' offense was in sync from start to finish; senior attacker Emily Haller led JMU with four goals on four shots, seven Dukes contributed one goal ear and five players came off the bench to score. The Dukes shot 50 percent and eight of their 13 goals were assisted.

"It is always good to get a win after a tough loss, like the one we had against William and Mary," junior attacker Jaime Dardine said. "We are going into the rest of the conference schedule with a clear mind and taking it game to game."

The Dukes lost last year in the Colonial Athletic Association championship 15-13 to Hofstra. Since the loss, the talk surrounding JMU has been about getting back and playing for another chance at the title.

"The pressure is to get to that CAA championship game, that is our ticket to the NCAA tournament," senior defender Brigid Strain said.

The Dukes have five games left on their schedule. Only CAA opponents remain, and three of the five remaining games are at home.

"There is a lot on the line for conference games; each one is equally as important," Haller said. "We are at a point in our season that each game is vital to our goal of a conference title."

But before the Dukes look too far down the road, they must travel to Delaware (8-3) on Friday to take on a fierce Blue Hens squad who came from behind with seven unanswered goals to defeat Hofstra 11-7 on Sunday.

"Right now it is very important for us to focus on the moment, play to play, game to game and not get caught up in the rankings," senior attacker Jackie Gateau said.

The Dukes are in the middle of a three-game road trip as they play at Delaware this Friday at 7 p.m. and then travel to first place Towson on April 13.

The CAA Tournament begins May 2. Currently, JMU ranks fifth in the CAA with a 1-1 conference record. It will need to finish in the top four to reach the conference tournament and have a chance to avenge last year's loss to Hofstra. 

Towson, W&M, Delaware and George Mason currently make up the top four, with defending champion Hofstra in sixth with a 1-2 CAA record.

"Making the conference tournament is the first goal, from there we can talk about winning a championship," JMU coach Shelley Klaes-Bawcbome said.

Madison Falls to the Tribe in Overtime

Momentum has been hard for the JMU lacrosse team to establish this season, and in its first conference game that trend continued.

The Dukes (4-6) got an early lead against Colonial Athletic Association rival William & Mary (5-6), but it wasn't enough as No.19 JMU fell in overtime 11-10.

The Loss marks the fourth time this season the Dukes have lost by two or fewer goals and the first time they have lost at home.

Ten seconds into the game, senior attacker and co-captain Annie Wagner fired her first of three goals past Tribe goalkeeper Emily Geary to give the Dukes 1-0 lead. Less than a minute later, junior attacker Jamie Dardine added a goal of her own to boost JMU up 2-0.

The Tribe bounced back, scoring five of the next six goals to take a 5-3 lead, thanks in part to two goals from midfielder Clare Dennis.

But three unanswered goals from Wagner, senior midfielder Emily Haller and senior attacker Julie Stone ended the first half, helping the Dukes steal back the momentum and go into halfttime with a 6-5 lead.

But at the 18:02 mark William & Mary took control of the game, scoring four unanswered goals to take a 10-8 lead.

"We have a rule of thumb -- to allow no more than three goals at a time," JMU head coach Shelley Klaes-Bawcombe said. "The game of lacrosse is a lot of goals in a quick amount of time, so being able to keep a team to only three goals is very important."

JMU would respond with goals from Wagner and Stone to tie the game at 10. With less than two minutes left in regulation the Dukes controlled the ball on W&M's side but were unable to score, sending the game into overtime.

W&M won the opening draw and controlled the ball throughout the first three-minute half; however, an errant pass landed near JMU senior goalkeeper Kelly Wetzel who raced to the ball and caught it on the bounce. The ball was then checked out of bounds by Tribe freshman midfielder Grace Golden. 

With Wetzel out of position, Golden sprinted around the goal to shoot on an open net, giving the Tribe an 11-10 lead they held onto throughout the second overtime period.

"We tend to have lapses of a few minutes that break us in the end, and we lose these heartbreakers," Wagner said.

JMU won 13-5 at Old Dominion on Sunday, improving its CAA record to 1-1. The Dukes next game is Friday away against Delaware at 7 p.m.

Talking With Tim Reynolds

Recently I was fortunate enough to sit down and chat over the phone with world renowned guitarist Tim Reynolds of Tim Reynolds and TR3. The fascinating musician, who will be coming to JMU on April 9, disclosed his his thoughts about the Dali Lama, Harrisonburg, and a life-sized Winnie The Pooh.

SY: Who are your biggest musical influences?

TR: Over the years it’s been different people. It’s a crazy mish-mash of style-hopping; they all kind of happened over the last thirty years since the late sixties. A lot of names: Mystery, Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin, David Gilmour, Peter Gabriel, Nine Inch Nails and Radiohead are some of the names.

SY: You’ve played in Harrisonburg numerous times throughout your career. What’s your favorite part of coming back to town?

TR: I’ve been there so many times, when TR3 started in the ’80s that was the big road-trip place to go. People really liked us there back in the day when we played at Calhoun’s, Valentinos, even some other small place I can’t remember the name of now and JMU as well. I’ve played there with a lot of different bands…TR3 played there a lot, just the history that goes back to the middle ’80s.

SY: Shortly following your performance here at JMU you will be playing for the Dalai Lama. How excited are you for that? And what other distinguished individuals have you played for throughout your career?

TR: I’m really excited about the Dalai Lama; just thinking about him I can’t even remember other distinguished figures. He stands out in such sharp contrast among other distinguished figures because he’s almost superhuman in his soul and spirit…It’s more than I can express into words the honor of something like that.

SY: What is the craziest and or strangest thing that’s ever happened to you while you’ve been on stage or while you’ve been on tour?

TR: WOW…

SY: …That you can tell us.

TR: Well recently, and in more of the strange and wonderful variety, we’ve had some crazy TR3 experiences that are mysterious and wonderful at the same time. We had a life-size, in the flesh Winnie The Pooh, in a gas mask coming out on stage and because of that it becomes sort of a circus ride out there. The weirdest thing I’ve ever seen was when I was playing with Dave at an acoustic show in Colorado. We were on stage playing mellow and chill songs about love and I guess some kid rushed the stage. Because of that, two people rushed him and they all crashed into the side of the stage where all the speakers were. Of course all of the speakers started coming down. That was very bizarre; more of the strange and dangerous category.

SY: So this Winnie Pooh, was it planned or was it something that surprised you?

TR: Well...I’ll just keep that a mystery [laughter] because you never know.

SY: If you weren’t playing music, and you had another occupation, what would that be?

TR: I’m really into history. But history has become such a repetition that it’s kind of becoming a negative. The other things that I really am trying to push forward in my own mind are quantum physics and Buddhism. If I wasn’t a musician — I do it anyways as a musician – I’d try to open our brains, our hearts and our souls to what we thought people think; that’s going to get us out of repetitive activity such as fear and things like that.

SY: Tim, I can see that you are a very positive man, if you had words of advice for aspiring musicians, what would you say?

TR: Be sincere in what you’re doing because as soon as it’s not about that, you shouldn’t be in that line of work. Just as if you were someone who likes to build houses, if you don’t want to be doing that than you shouldn’t be doing that. And to keep doing what you’re doing. If you’re not making any money, figure out a way to make at least enough money to keep a shirt on your back. It takes time to figure these things out, and you know just keep playing. That’s all I ever did: just keep playing.

SY: Just keep playing?

TR: Just keep playing and just keep playing.

SY: You came to JMU two years ago and people are excited that you’re coming back, but the people also want to know what can they expect from yourself and TR3?

TR: Basically, we’re just going to rock the house! That’s what we do and that’s what’s going to happen!

Tim Reynolds and TR3 will be rocking the house on Wednesday, April 9 in Memorial Hall Auditorium. Tickets are $18 in advance and $20 at the door, they are available at Warren Hall Box Office or Plan 9 Music. Doors open at 7:30 p.m. For any questions contact ceccotcj@jmu.edu

Battle of the Sexes: When mutual friends break up...

Two pieces written by Sean Youngberg and Sarah Delia

Sean: When two mutual friends date it's awkward. When they break up it's like you're standing naked in public: uncomfortable for everyone involved.

I've  been in the middle of mutual-friend relationships more times than I'd like to count, and there's no trouble-free way around it. However, to ease the pain of the ill-fated mutual-friend breakup, I have come up with a master plan that makes the uneasy situation slightly easier. I've adopted the "what have you done for me lately" mentality.

From what I've been able to tell, when mutual friends breakup they immediately become like politicians on the campaign trail, fighting vigorously to win over the appreciation of friends. And since they've made being around them slightly uncomfortable for the duration of their dating, I think it's only fair to make them work a little to win their friends back.

This method is fool-proof with only the following exceptions: if one of the individuals in the relationship is related to you by blood; your best friend or wing man; if you've had interest in the girl/guy and now is your time; or if the girl/guy is extremely attractive and, well, you couldn't just stop being friends with them because that wouldn't be very nice.

With the exceptions aside, I continue. Why should we, the innocent bystanders, have to pick sides? It is those who have dated who should be the ones winning over their friends -- they're the ones who need us.

When my roommate and his girlfriend of two and a half years "went on a break," I didn't know which side to choose. It was as if my parents divorced and I had to choose whose house to sleep at.

It wasn't until the girl made me a plate of sugar cookies with icing that I was able to pick sides.

Loyalty shmoyalty; tangible things are what really count.

So I may be materialistic, but we all are. Who doesn't like a plate of cookies? A pair of courtside tickets to a basketball game or some gas in their tank? 

Dating is like war. The mutual friends are the innocent civilians who get dragged into the mess, and when the war ends it is the duty of the couple that made us suffer to win us back, not the other way around. 

Sarah: One of the most awkard parts of going through a break-up with someone is the dividing and returning of borrowed goods. There's returning mixed CDs, a sweatshirton a cold night or a random movie taken without permission. But now that things are over and  done with, it's time to swap back those objects you've had for so long that you forgot they weren't technically yours.

The problem is that not everything fits neatly inside a cardboard box that you can walk over to someone's apartment. Mutual friends who are accumulated throughout the relationship become casualties of breakups and returning them inside a box filled with teddy bears and love letters isn't easy.

The words "it's over"are like that starting gun at a track meet that signals friends of the dumped individual to start running to pick a side -- and sprinting for the hills is not an option. Realistically when a couple breaks up, they not only end their relationship with one person, but end up dumping a whole group of people.

I'm not quite sure what the rules are for the male gender, but speaking the native tongue of girl, I can say that the quickest way to lose a friendship is to befriend a friend's ex. No matter how amicably the relationship ends, once it's over, so is your friendship with the person who did your friend wrong.

There's no reason why in college where we're all technically adults that friendships can't remain after two people part ways -- after all, it's not like your platonic chemistry fizzled. It's been my personal experience that this routine is an issue of loyalty to one's female friend.

When the breakup is official, the guy becomes a little less intelligent, a little more insensitive to your friend's feeling and significantly less cute than he looked through those rose-colored love goggles. And if you're still friendly with him, this puts you in the category of a traitor.

That being said, as a friend you've got a job to do. It's time to make your friend feel better about the situation whether she was the "dumped" or the "dumpee" and in order to do that, your friendship cannot coexist alongside your friendship with her ex. As childish as this cycle of breaking ties with a friend's ex may seem, just think: You never know when you may be the dumped and need a friend to tell you how stupid, insensitive and unattractive your ex is.