Week 17: All or Nothing

All it takes is one win -- one measly victory sometime in the last couple of weeks and the Vikings, Broncos, Jets, Cowboys, Dolphins, Buccaneers, Eagles, and Patriots don't find themselves hoping against hope (and against some other teams) to make the playoffs -- but none of those teams could put up one more 'W' and now it's all or nothing.

Whatever the football gods have in store for us tomorrow it should be quite the treat. New England may finish 11-5 and miss out of the playoffs, Chad Pennington's homecoming to New York could have Jets fans everywhere making love to the whiskey bottle, and for the third time in six years Minnesota can be eliminated from playoff contention in week 17.

Whether your team dies trying or lives another day tomorrow will reveal quite possibly one of the most exciting regular season weeks in NFL history. Let us take a look into the glass ball and see what the future holds*...

*last week the glass ball was 10-6...not too shabby, but not playoff caliber.

The One O'clockers:

Atlanta @ St. Louis: Amazingly the high flying Falcons can steal the number 2 seed in the NFC if they beat the Rams, and Carolina falls to New Orleans. Look for Matt Ryan and the young 'Dirty Birds' to take this one, 24-10.

New England @ Buffalo: Could the Patriots finish 11-5 and not make the playoffs? Unfortunately for Bill Belichick's crew it looks like a very disheartening possibility -- but at least they'll do their part to finish the season on a high note -- Patrtiots leave no doubt they are playoff caliber with a 42-17 win.

Kansas City @ Cincinnati: The most intriguing headline in this lackluster game (5 total wins combined) is not what will happen on the field but the sideline, will Marvin Lewis and Herm Edwards return for an '09 campaign or will they be packing up and moving elsewhere? Cincy takes this one 20-10.

Chicago @ Houston: It would look like the Bears have the inside track to the NFC North crown -- but don't count out the Texans who have nothing left to play for other than pride -- Houston in the upset 27-21.

New York Giants @ Minnesota: The Vikings need this win to avoid another week 17 melt down, while the Giants have nothing left to play for. Minnesota is favored as the Giants starters may be looking ahead to their week off. Vikes 27-17.

Carolina @ New Orleans: Again the Saints have not lived up to par, while their division counterpart has surpassed everyone's expectations. The Panthers routed New Orleans 30-7 back in week 7, and with a first round bye on the line look for Jake Delhomme to have a big game. Panthers 35-24.

Cleveland @ Pittsburgh: The Steelers could not come up with any last minute heroics against Tennessee last week, but not to worry they shouldn't need to conger up tomorrow any against a dismal Browns team. Even with their backups expected to play, the Steel Curtain takes this one 17-9.

Tampa Bay @ Oakland: The Bucs suffered a possible season ending loss last week when they fell to the Chargers 41-24. Oakland showed signs of offensive life in a 27-16 win over the Texans. Tampa wins this one, but still falls short of the playoffs, Bucs 24-18.

Tennessee @ Indianapolis: Both teams have clinched the 1st and 5th seeds respectively so it will be interesting to see how much time the starters see -- we know Vince Young will play (for what it's worth) -- for what it's worth the Colts take this one 32-22 in what may be Tony Dungy's final regular season game.

Detroit @ Green Bay: The Lions are calling this "their Super Bowl," and cornerback Travis Fisher said if they win he'll WALK back to Detroit! The Packers are wonderful at collapsing in the fourth quarter and struggled with the Lions back in week 2. For nothing other than to give Lion fans some hope, the Motor City wins their Super Bowl 28-27.

The four fifteeners:

Jacksonville @ Baltimore: Yes the Dolphins are the turn around story of the year, but the Ravens have sure made their case. From 5-11 to possibly 11-5 and back to the playoffs. If Joe Flacco stays hot ( an 87.8 passer rating his last 10 games) nothing should stop Baltimore from doing damage in the postseason. Ravens 21-14.

Seattle @ Arizona: Ken Whisenhunt announced his starters will play Sunday, that's nice because they sure haven't been playing in the last couple of weeks. Cardinals drop this one to Seattle in Mike Holmgren's finale, 24-20.

Washington @ Seattle: Jim Zorn was the toast of our nation's capital just a few weeks ago, now he's the scape goat for a team that has fallen faster than stock in Ford Motor Company. Mike Singletary has had his team playing like they should've been all season long -- this one will be close -- but the Redskins finish on top 16-10, for what it's worth.

Miami @ New York Jets: What more can you ask for? Favre v. Pennington, division rivalry, everything on the line for a shot at the postseason. This game is going to be so good the NFL moved it to 4:15. Favre rebounds, throwing two touchdowns, the Wildcat formation puts up a couple of their own, and in the end the Jets take this one 20-17.

Dallas @ Philadelphia: The Dallas Soap Opera takes their show on the road to the most hostile environment in all of the NFL this Sunday. Both teams are coming off heartbreaking losses and whoever falls again this week could very well be out of all playoff contention. Dallas on top 38-31.

How the West Was Won...

Denver @ San Diego: The Broncos have had had their share of opportunities to put this division away, but inconsistent play has doomed them into a winner take all for the AFC West. On the other side of the ball the Chargers have not looked anything like the 'Super Bowl Bound' powerhouse everyone thought they were.

This is the most intriguing game of the week becuase it is the only matchup where there are no other scenarios to get into the playoff. Winner plays Indianapolis next week, the loser cleans out his locker. The Broncos may have been saved by an Ed Hochuli call in week 2, but they'll need more to get them out of this jam and avoid an epic collapse. San Diego at home 34-28.

Yes Minnesota there is hope; week 16 Predictions

This time last year Minnesota fans everywhere were licking their lips and crossing their fingers in hopes that the Vikings would make an unlikely run to the playoffs...it didn't happen and hope was once again sunk in a barrage of beers and whiskey.

Reference (http://seanysays.blogspot.com/2007/12/unlikely-vikings-playoff-bound-almost.html)

To counter any possible jinxes I will not discuss why I think Tavaris Jackson will lead the Vikings to the NFC Championship, or why I believe Minnesota is the team to beat, instead I'll hopefully send mass hexes across the page to the other 31 teams.

It's crunch time in the NFL and here's how I see things playing out.

Baltimore @ Dallas: No drama in this one, TO and Whitten will share the glory as Dallas wins big in the Texas Stadium finale, 32-17.

Cincinnati @ Cleveland: The state of Ohio doesn't have much to show in this one, but Ryan Fitzpatrick has at least played consistently, Bengals win 18-12.

New Orleans @ Detroit: The lions have one the last three contests between the two teams, that ends tomorrow when Drew Brees and the Saints offense have a field day, Saints win 41-21.

Arizona @ New England: Arizona is collapsing, and the Patriots are fighting for their playoff lives. Look for Matt Cassell to boost his free agent stock in this offensive explosion: Patriots win 38-31.

Pittsburgh @ Tennessee: It sure looks like the Titans have hit the wall while the Steelers just keep finding ways to win. I don't see this one being too close, Steelers roll 24-10.

San Francisco @ St. Louis : This may very well be the end of Tory Holt in St. Louis -- the final member of The Greatest Show on Turf still playing for the Rams -- unfortunately the 49ers will have the last hoo-rah in this one, San Fran 28-24.

Miami @ Kansas City: The Dolphins have already put together one of the best turn around seasons in NFL history, but will it be complete without a shot at the playoffs? Miami wins 19-10.

San Diego @ Tampa Bay: The Chargers at 6-8 are technically still very alive in the AFC West playoff race -- unfortunately all hope will most likely disappear against a stout Tampa D. Bucs win 24-20

Buffalo @ Denver: Somone needs to teach these two teams the meaning of the word consistent -- both have had so much promise -- and both have been utterly disappointing, the only difference is Denver can still make the playoffs. Upset special Buffalo over Denver 13-7.

New York Jets @ Seattle: Do the Jets even want to win the AFC East? They sure looked dead until Shaun Ellis recovered the JP Losman fumble last week to squeak out a win -- the Jets are 0-3 out West -- but look for things to change against a Seattle team who has only managed three victories this year. J-E-T-S 31-14

Houston @ Oakland: Steve Slaton should be going to the Pro-Bowl, and the Texans should be better than their 7-7 record. The Raiders have no identity other than being consistent losers, Houston wins 23-9.

Atlanta @ Minnesota: Matt Ryan has the inside track for Rookie of the Year and Mike Smith should be coach of the year, but Minnesota eliminates the Falcons from playoff contention in this close on. Vikings on top 17-14.

Philadelphia @ Washington: Has anyone ever gone from Savior to Villian as quickly as Jim Zorn has in DC? McNabb and company womp the reeling Redskins 31-16.

Carolina @ New York Giants: The Giants put the exclamation point on their NFC dominance in this one, G-Men (somewhat) dismantle the red hot panthers 24-22.

Green Bay @ Chicago: There is something missing in Green Bay this year but I just can't seem to put my finger on it...oh wait...IT'S BRETT FAVRE!!! Chicago delivers one more kick to the nuts to Packer fans when they emberass their beloved Pack Attack on national television 20-10.

R.I.P

My social life was being escorted to the gallows courtesy of my own stubbornness.

Truth be told I shaved my beautiful stache two weeks ago -- yes I was going to a date function -- and yes I was weak and gave in to the temptations and went clean lip.

I didn't know how to tell all of you that I had given in quicker than the French to the Viet Cong but it just kind of happened.

The true credit goes out to all of those who supported me during my triumph to inform the world of facial hair awareness. I'm sorry that I didn't last as long as I promised (a common theme), and I'm sorry I never grew it out until someone told me that I had a beautiful stache.

I do promise the day will come when I try again but for now I have to get my social life back on track. Thank you to all who supported me. God bless you, but above all else God Bless mustaches across this glorious country of ours.

I'm back into blogging -- a hiatus of unethical proportions is over -- my pointless blabber, and mindless thoughts will soon be yours to read again.

Love Always,

Sean

Two weeks later, still going strong.

Where does the time go? It's been exactly two weeks since I've last updated you on the status of 'the stache,' and I can only imagine how worried you've all been.

First just let me re-assure you that the I am still going strong and have very much so gotten over my early worries that I was committing social suicide. I am. No big deal.


The last two weeks I survived halloween, social gatherings, and multiple classes were I've been called out for having, 'something on top my lip.'

Nonetheless let me re-assure you loyal Stache followers that all will continue to go strong until at the very earliest Thanksgiving, when it is very possible my mom forces me to shave for our relatives.


It's time to part, I promise it won't be two weeks until my next post. Good night and God bless America.



Best-

Sean 'The Stache' Youngberg

Day 15: Good weekend for the stache

Disclaimer: I cannot tell a lie, in a moment of weakness I almost shaved -- I almost threw it all away. After Ben my negotiator roommate told me this is what makes a man a hero, I decided that everything was going to be OK!

I'm proud to report that it was a very successful weekend with the stache -- well I've kind of wussed out and tuned my facial make up into a stylish goatee -- but I digress.


At a basement party on Thursday I was informed from a slightly intoxicated blonde that she had been checking me out all evening because AND I QUOTE "my edgey biker facial hair." What ever the hell that means I'm putting it the compliment column. (compliments 1 - Insults 323)

The lovely blonde asked if I'd dance with her -- I obliged -- but when she tried to make a move I had to break it to her that the stache rides solo.

On Friday it was off to a Wild Wild West party I went-- needless to say the surplus of drunken cowgirls and scantly clothed Native Americans confused me with Mustache extraordinaire and award winning actor Sam Elliot (see below) Can you blame them? Than there is Saturday -- the day my mustache launched an epic brawl.

After an eight hour work day all I really wanted to do was relax with myself, my stache, a couple of cold beers and watch the World Series. But being that my mustache has become somewhat of a pop-star around campus I was persuaded by the tens of hundreds of phone calls to come out and enjoy the night life.

After I combed my lip-fur I was ready to paint the town red. I arrived at my friend Lauren's party drunk with love and beer when I noticed something terrible. The party I was at had 35 sausages and 10 girls. What the hell? The worst part is no one else at the house had even a snib-bit of facial hair (pansies)

I plopped a seat in front of the television with my friend Bill (no stache Bill as he has come to be known around this town) when one by one the other gents at the party started talking, whispering, and staring at me (pansies) I thought "oh shit, they're going to pounce me," but noooo the opposite -- they began to compliment my stache -- and actually scuffle for the open seat next to mine.

First came a trashy Caucasian male by the name of TJ who asked if it was natural or if Rogaine enhance -- it's natural I reply -- and if you didn't have your sunglasses on at 11:30 at night and a Trojan Headband around your neck you might be able to notice.

Than there was 'Drunk Ass Ricky,' an annoying Phillies fan who kept insisting to me the reason that Ryan Howard and Chase Utley are better baseball players than I is because they have the common decency not to grow facial hair -- fuck Drunk Ass Ricky.

Before conflict arised Ricky apologized and said he actually 'digged the stache' and will begin to grow his own -- nonetheless I stand by my point that Ricky sucked.

After an array of non-important bystanders came and went I decided that it was time to leave the non-facial hair festivities and head back home. What would happen afterward is all entirely true according to the record of Non-Stache Bill.

After I left the boys at the party began discussing who could grow a mustache that would rival mine -- some called it sacrilegious to have such a conversations -- others proclaimed with sheer confidence they could outgrow me in two days flat.

The lines were drawn the battlegrounds set. Knives were drawn, groins were kicked, and punches were thrown, Drunk Ass Ricky took a shot to the eye, blood splattered like a sprinkler, and as Ricky fell it is rumored he mumbled ,"Viva La Stache."

Men fell like acorns from an Oak tree in the fall.

Things escalated so quickly that an anonymous tool repping a went so far to put together a concoction that resembled a Moltov Cocktail...but didn't have the balls to use it..thank God.

After the dust settled, and the local S.W.A.T team cleaned up the mess twenty-six individuals had been arrested on several charges; including, attempted murder, Mustache Jealousy in the first and second degree, and drunk in public charges.

I never meant for my mustache to cause so many problems -- but I can't let a few bad stacheless apples ruin it for the rest of us -- the cause lives on, and soon enough we will all bask in its glory.

Until next time HAPPY JOSHGIVING!

The Mustahce Day 11

I'm looking for a large shipment of patience, if anyone knows where I can get some cheap let me know.

I'm heading into the midst of week 2 (day 11) and all I currently have to show for my efforts is dark colored fuzz. Maybe its' the ground work for a Stalin Stache but more likely I fear it will amount to nothing more than that of Jose my neighbor.

Nonetheless the progression is going relatively slow -- but don't you fear, for I have not lost faith in the cause!

Mustache; The Essence of Man.

I yearn for a mustache. I want to grow a mustache unlike any other -- one that will make people stop and say, " that sir, is a damn fine 'stache." Unfortunately I am one of the ill-fated many who will never realize this dream.

You see, even at age twenty-one I grow facial hair equivalent to that of a prepubescent twelve year old. My friend Josh has had the uncanny capability to grow a full blown stache in sixth grade, my buddy Branson can whip out designer-esque lip fur on a moments notice, but I -- I take weeks for a shadow to appear.

My head is out of the clouds -- I know an award winning mustache will never come from my face -- and that's OK. But damn it i want some acknowledgment.

That is why right now, in writing I am putting my foot down -- I will not shave my upper lip until AT THE VERY LEAST a mustache of respectability appears.

Although this is the first post I am currently ending day 10 of my campaign to make this world a better place -- one mustache at a time.

Pictures will be posted soon. Pray for me, pray for the cause, but above all else pray for the stahce.