Battle of the Sexes: When mutual friends break up...

Two pieces written by Sean Youngberg and Sarah Delia

Sean: When two mutual friends date it's awkward. When they break up it's like you're standing naked in public: uncomfortable for everyone involved.

I've  been in the middle of mutual-friend relationships more times than I'd like to count, and there's no trouble-free way around it. However, to ease the pain of the ill-fated mutual-friend breakup, I have come up with a master plan that makes the uneasy situation slightly easier. I've adopted the "what have you done for me lately" mentality.

From what I've been able to tell, when mutual friends breakup they immediately become like politicians on the campaign trail, fighting vigorously to win over the appreciation of friends. And since they've made being around them slightly uncomfortable for the duration of their dating, I think it's only fair to make them work a little to win their friends back.

This method is fool-proof with only the following exceptions: if one of the individuals in the relationship is related to you by blood; your best friend or wing man; if you've had interest in the girl/guy and now is your time; or if the girl/guy is extremely attractive and, well, you couldn't just stop being friends with them because that wouldn't be very nice.

With the exceptions aside, I continue. Why should we, the innocent bystanders, have to pick sides? It is those who have dated who should be the ones winning over their friends -- they're the ones who need us.

When my roommate and his girlfriend of two and a half years "went on a break," I didn't know which side to choose. It was as if my parents divorced and I had to choose whose house to sleep at.

It wasn't until the girl made me a plate of sugar cookies with icing that I was able to pick sides.

Loyalty shmoyalty; tangible things are what really count.

So I may be materialistic, but we all are. Who doesn't like a plate of cookies? A pair of courtside tickets to a basketball game or some gas in their tank? 

Dating is like war. The mutual friends are the innocent civilians who get dragged into the mess, and when the war ends it is the duty of the couple that made us suffer to win us back, not the other way around. 

Sarah: One of the most awkard parts of going through a break-up with someone is the dividing and returning of borrowed goods. There's returning mixed CDs, a sweatshirton a cold night or a random movie taken without permission. But now that things are over and  done with, it's time to swap back those objects you've had for so long that you forgot they weren't technically yours.

The problem is that not everything fits neatly inside a cardboard box that you can walk over to someone's apartment. Mutual friends who are accumulated throughout the relationship become casualties of breakups and returning them inside a box filled with teddy bears and love letters isn't easy.

The words "it's over"are like that starting gun at a track meet that signals friends of the dumped individual to start running to pick a side -- and sprinting for the hills is not an option. Realistically when a couple breaks up, they not only end their relationship with one person, but end up dumping a whole group of people.

I'm not quite sure what the rules are for the male gender, but speaking the native tongue of girl, I can say that the quickest way to lose a friendship is to befriend a friend's ex. No matter how amicably the relationship ends, once it's over, so is your friendship with the person who did your friend wrong.

There's no reason why in college where we're all technically adults that friendships can't remain after two people part ways -- after all, it's not like your platonic chemistry fizzled. It's been my personal experience that this routine is an issue of loyalty to one's female friend.

When the breakup is official, the guy becomes a little less intelligent, a little more insensitive to your friend's feeling and significantly less cute than he looked through those rose-colored love goggles. And if you're still friendly with him, this puts you in the category of a traitor.

That being said, as a friend you've got a job to do. It's time to make your friend feel better about the situation whether she was the "dumped" or the "dumpee" and in order to do that, your friendship cannot coexist alongside your friendship with her ex. As childish as this cycle of breaking ties with a friend's ex may seem, just think: You never know when you may be the dumped and need a friend to tell you how stupid, insensitive and unattractive your ex is.